I'm not an awesome person

Lately, people have been asking me a lot about my plans after college (almost wrote high school...).

I've been asked a lot if I plan on staying in this area to teach after I graduate and, of course, I say no that I want to teach at an orphanage in India.

And I always get the same response:

"Wow. That is so amazing. That is so great that you want to do that!"

And I never really know how to respond.

Because on the one hand, it is kind of awesome. It is a huge need and I'm so excited to get to be a part of these kids lives and a part of the plan that God has for them.

But on the other hand, its not about me. Not at all.

I had nothing to do with it. I did not choose to do this. I didn't decide to go and do this awesome thing.

God literally reached into my life, lifted me off the path I was headed down and set me on this path instead. It was all his doing. I am simply following his directions. Because I've learned its better not to argue with the creator of the universe. He tends to win those arguments.

And even more importantly, I'm not an awesome person. I'm a sinner. I'm extremely selfish. I have a tendency to be lazy and procrastinate.

There are things about life in India that I dread, to be honest. I am not looking forward to the hot summers. I am not looking forward to be separated from my friends and family. I know that I will be frustrated and short tempered at times. I will not be the teacher that I want to be or imagine myself being.

I don't really know why I am writing this, except to say, I am not awesome.


but GOD is.