When everything feels futile

I'm sitting in my room trying to figure out what I should be doing. I know there are a lot of things that I could do, but I don't really want to. I could start studying for my next exams... Nah!

So, what do I do when I have nothing else to do? I read blogs of course!

I love going through the old blogs that people write, especially people that I don't know. I follow the blogs of some really incredible women and one of my absolute favorites is about a family that lives in Haiti right now. Check it out here, its great!

Anyway, I was just reading some of her old posts, and I came across this paragraph and seriously got chill bumps! 

 "And then I remembered Jenn and Justus...and how God is God all the time and Justus can't talk, and has to use sign language and there was Jenn, a stay at home mom, with a degree in deaf education, not using it, until Justus came along. Talk about God ordaining every single day of our lives? I'm sure Jenn had no idea she was sitting at Baylor learning to say things with her long pretty fingers because one day her son would desperately need those hands. But God knew. He always knows."

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing here. 

Make that a lot of times I wonder what I am doing here. 

Sometimes my classes seem completely futile. What am I learning that is actually going to help me in life? 

Sitting in Geology class wondering when I will ever need to know these things. Or in my North American landscapes class thinking, yah this is good and interesting, but I'm going to be teaching in India. I doubt that I'll be teaching them all about the different regions of the United States. 

Even as I look forward to my education classes, I wonder if they will end up frustrating me too sometimes. 

We had a meeting with one of the professors a few days ago and she was telling us about what we will be learning. And some of it sounds so exciting! 

We are going to be doing a lot of work with ESL kids and learning how to teach ESL kids, which excites me because I need to learn how to teach English. I'm sure that it is going to be taught with the assumption that we will be teaching Spanish-speaking kids English, but that is ok! 

But than there are other things that I just don't see how they will transfer over. Like a class specifically about using technology in the classroom. Technology is great, but I doubt that my classroom will have a SmartBoard in it. If we did get the money to buy a smartboard, I wouldn't want it. Do you know how long we could feed a kid with the money that it would cost for a smartboard? 

But God is God. 

God knows the things that I am learning now and He knows how He is going to use it one day. He knows exactly the things that I will need that I can't even imagine. 

He put me at a school where I could be learning Hindi instead of Spanish. Gave me the opportunity to take an entire class focused on South Asia and their history and current events. So that I could learn things like the states in India, because that is what I will be teaching my kids. 

So who knows what God has in store for me. I don't, but He does. Maybe He is going to send a child in India to me who is fascinated with the earth and I will be able to teach him some of the things that I learned in Geol 101. Who know! 

So if you're like me and sit in class wondering how this is ever going to be relevant to your life. Maybe you're forcing facts into your head right now, cramming for exams and just can't think of a good enough reason to motivate you to keep on going, God has a reason for you to be learning what you are right now. He is going to use it. 

And so I will study. I will try to study without complaining. I will learn the things that are available here for me to learn and I will try to be diligent about my work. Because what I'm learning might feel pointless, it might seem like I will never in my life use it, but God may have other plans.

Absolutely amazed!!!

I want to share some really exciting news with you all!!

I am absolutely astounded and blown away by the way that God has provided for my trip this summer and the way that all of you have responded with such amazing generosity.

When I started this journey earlier in the semester, I knew that I wanted to sacrifice to make this trip possible. I knew that God would provide the means for me to go, but I also know that He works through us and felt like before I could ask any of you to sacrifice so that I could go, I needed to be sacrificing myself.

So I cut back and started babysitting like crazy! I am so thankful for all of you who had me babysit over the past few months and who gave my name out to other people. It was great to be able to share my heart for India with people and see other people become excited for me.

I also was able to save a lot of money!

Then, I received a very sizable tax rebate. I'm not entirely sure how that happened, but Obama gave mem $1000 that all went to my trip! Thanks, Obama! I'm sure sending me to India was exactly what you had in mind!

Then I began selling scarves and again, people were so generous to buy from me. It was really great to be able to get my friends involved in supporting my trip and to get a chance to share even more with them about what I will be doing. (I still have a few left, by the way...)

Finally, I sent out support letters to a lot of people from the church and my parent's friends and have been excitedly watching the last bit of money that I need come in.

All that is to say this-- as of yesterday, I have $500 more than I need for my trip!!!

And there are still letters waiting at my house that I haven't opened yet!

I am absolutely overwhelmed by all of your generosity and willingness to be involved in my journey!

Thank you for all your prayers and your support.

Because of your generosity, I am going to be able to give all the money that comes in from now on to the children at the orphanage.

The extra $500 that I already have and any more will be used to buy books for the kids and who knows what else!

We are going to be able to bless these children so much!

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who are supporting me and if you were thinking about sending money, please still do.  I would love to raise enough not only buy a whole bunch of books, but also to support one of the children or students for a year.

Thank you so much for buying into the vision that we have for India and being willing to be a part of the work going on there. I could not be doing any of this without your prayers and support.

I appreciate it so much!!

God is so great!

Love you all!!

Grace for Today

I thought exam week would be a good time to share something that I have been learning recently.

I stayed up until 4:00 in the morning last night working on 2 projects. If you know me, that should shock you. I do not stay up, but I had a lot to do and it all took much longer than I was expecting (I also don't focus very well and I procrastinate, but that is a different post).

I tell you that because I think that you can probably relate. This is a stressful time for us. Too much work and too few hours to do it all in, not too mention the stress of moving out of our dorms and getting ready for the summer.

Several of my friends are going on summer project with Cornerstone or doing the CityProject with Summit and they are rushing to get all the support in that they need. That adds more stress.

But its not just exam times that we get stressed. And if you aren't in college, exams obviously don't apply to you.

We are trying to figure out what we are going to do with our lives, where we will work after graduation.

A few weeks ago, I was freaking out about whether or not I would get in to the school of education.

I do my math homework, trying to explain how to divide fractions, and I start freaking out about how I'm ever supposed to be able to teach this stuff in Hindi.

A few weeks ago, JD started talking about parenting in one of his sermons, and I started freaking about how hard parenting will be.


I hope that you get the point that I am trying to make.

Stress and worry can consume us!

And not just about things that seem reasonable.

It seems reasonable to be stressed and worried over finals that start in two days.

It is NOT reasonable for me at 20 years old to be sitting in church wondering how I will ever raise my kids-- that's crazy.

But you know what? They are both wrong.

This is something that I have been learning with Veronica recently.

We don't think about worry being wrong, but it is.

Do you know why?

Because it shows a lack of trust in God.

When I worry about my exams, I'm saying that I don't trust God to provide the stamina that I need to study and do well.

When I worry about how I will manage to teach or be of any use in India, I am doubting the very thing that God has called me and doubting that He will use me despite myself.

I am standing in my own ability to get things done and using God as my back up plan, for when I begin to fail, then I can turn to Him.

That's not what God has taught us to do.

He has told us to cast all our fears and burdens on Him, because He cares for us-- 1 Peter 5:7

He has told us to rely fully on Him and not on our own abilities-- Proverbs 3:5

When Veronica and I were talking about this, she told me something that I want to share with you.

When Jesus was on earth, He said these words,"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

On first glance, (and second) that is not a very encouraging statement. I mean that's what I'm worried about, that I won't be able to handle what is coming tomorrow.

But Jesus is telling us not to worry, to not be consumed with thoughts about tomorrow, because God will care for us.

What Veronica showed me is that Jesus is not saying that we will have to face tomorrow on our own, but that when tomorrow comes, God will give us the grace for the things that need to be done that day.

Things coming tomorrow, or next month or 5 years from now seem so huge and un-doable, because we don't have the grace that we need to face them yet.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.'"
Lamentations 3:22-24

How many times have you freaked out about something and then when it came, you were wondering why you were so worried?

This happens to me all the time.

I'll be freaking out about a project or test for days and then when it comes time to take it, its not that bad and I usually do fine.

This isn't because I'm such a great studier and hard worker.

It's because God daily gives us the grace that we need for each day.

I don't know how to be a parent right now, God hasn't given that to me yet. But, if the time comes, I believe that He will so why stress about it now?

This is not to say that we shouldn't prepare for things. I'm not saying don't study for tests and instead believe that God will tell you the right answers, that's not what He said.

Obviously, we have to still study for our tests. I pray that when the time comes to go to India, God will give me the ability to do the things that He has called me to do. I also pray that if He wants me to be a wife and a mother, than He will teach me how and give me the grace to love my family.

He tells us not to worry.

Pray and prepare, but trust and don't worry. 

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
Matthew 6:25-33

Seek God first, and He will take care of the rest. 


Trust in the grace that He gives us every day. Grace for today.

He is Risen!!

"On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee:  ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words. 

"When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened."
Luke 24: 1-12

Praise God that Jesus did not stay dead!! He conquered sin and death so that we could find freedom in Him. Thank Him for His power and love this morning.

Happy Easter!!

Now What??

We don't think very much about the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter. Its just Saturday.

It's when we do our Easter egg hunts and get all our food ready for the next day.

We remember Christ's sacrifice on Friday and celebrate His resurrection on Sunday, but we don't think much on Saturday. I know I don't.

Because we know.

We know that Jesus didn't stay dead. The story wasn't over.

He came alive again!

I've been thinking today what this day must have been like to the disciples 2000 years ago.

What were they thinking, sitting in Jerusalem, having just buried the man that they believed to be God?

He was supposed to be a conquerer and their savior, so how could he have died?

I wonder what they were thinking.

Did they remember all the things that Jesus had said, how he must die, but that he would be raised again?

Did they trust that Jesus was truly God and had the power to do anything?

Did they understand that Jesus had to pay the price for their/our sin? Did they understand that he was their perfect sacrifice?

Or were they afraid?

Did they worry that they were next?

Was Peter still weeping over reject for betraying Jesus in his time of need?

Did he wonder if he would ever be able to beg Jesus for forgiveness for his weakness?

I don't know what they were thinking, but I praise God that I don't have to worry. As hard and sad as it is to remember Jesus' death on Friday, I don't have to be scared and sad today. Because I know.

I know what's coming tomorrow.

I know that the grave did not stay sealed, that Jesus did not stay dead.

And I can sit here anticipating tomorrow morning, the day that we will all say, "Christ is risen, He is risen indeed."

It Is Finished

"And when the sixth hour had come there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi lema savachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" And some of the bystanders hearing it said, "Behold, he is calling Elijah." And someone ran and filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on a reed and gave it to him to drink, saying, "Wait, let us see whether Elijah will come to take him down." And Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And when the centurion, who stood facing him, saw that in this way he breathed his last, he said, "Truly this man was the Son of God!"
Matthew 15:35-39

Thank you, Jesus for the sacrifice that you gave on the cross so that I could have new life in you. Thank you for taking my rejection and my punishment so that I would never have to take it myself.


Today, remember Jesus' sacrifice for you.

This is a song by one of the worship leaders at Summit that I absolutely love and its a perfect reminder for today.

 

What are we missing?

This week, I've been listening to The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. It's this month's free download at christianaudio.com, get it here.

If you have never heard of Corrie Ten Boom or don't really know anything about her, she lived during the Holocaust in Holland. She and her family hid Jews in their home so that they would not be arrested by the Nazis. I don't really know much beyond that, that is why I'm listening to the book.

Something struck me as I was listening yesterday.

It was at the beginning of the book, in 1936, World War II hadn't even started yet and Hitler was just starting to begin taking over other countries.

Corrie and her family were having a party with a lot of their friends, and the topic of Germany came up. She wondered what was going to happen, how far Hitler was going to go. Everyone assured her that whatever happened it would not affect them. Essentially they said, that's a problem for the big countries, not us, let them deal with it.

Then her brother shows up with a Jewish man who's beard had been burned off by a couple of German boys. After this happened the man had fled Germany and was hiding in Holland.

His beard was completely burnt off and the skin of his face was badly burned.

Still the people at the party refused to admit that something terrible was growing in Germany. They said that Germany is a civilized country and surely the police will do something to bring those boys to justice.

I heard this and I just thought "How blind were you?!?" How could they not see what was coming, what was happening right under their noses?

And then I thought-- what are we missing? What are we so used to that we don't even notice that it is wrong? What are we waiting and trusting in the government to take care of that we really should be doing ourselves?

Hitler invaded several small countries before he invaded Poland in 1939. Each time, England and the other major European countries would say, "Ok, but don't go any further. If you invade anything else, than we will stop you. We're warning you...."

And each time, he didn't listen. Looking back on it now we see how crazy that is. Clearly, he was a crazy dictator who wanted to control all of Europe. How did they not see that?

In the 1990s, we all looked on as thousands of innocent people were slaughtered in Rwanda. The genocide was deemed a civil war and by the time the UN stepped in to stop in, 800,000 people were dead.

The same things are happening today, but we care more about the prince of a COUNTRY THAT WE ARE NOT PART OF getting married then of young boys being kidnapped and forced to kill their own families and then fight someone else's war.

Why?

And believers, we are even worse!!

Why do we wait until the rest of the world notices something to get on board?

We should be the leaders in caring for the poor and the helpless. That's what Jesus did.

So why are we the last ones to get involved.

Why did Angelina Jolie adopt her kids before we began to notice the orphans in the world that need our love?

What are we expecting the government to do that we should be doing ourselves?

What if instead of arguing about health care and welfare reform, we actually got out there and got involved in people's lives and were a part of the solution instead of just bickering all day long?


I don't want my grandchildren to look back on my generation and think, "How could they not have seen _____? How could they have been so blind?"

Let's love our world like Jesus did. Let's strive to pour out our lives for others the way that Christ did.